For my Historical Jesus class this semester, we were asked to create an obituary for Jesus through the lens of someone from the period. We were given some examples which I felt were a little anachronistic (Osama bin Laden’s obit from the New York Times was one of them). So instead of doing a modern obituary, I chose to produce an epitaph like those commonly found in the ANE around Jewish settlements in what was Judaea and also the Diaspora (in Egypt, for example). I drew heavily upon the translations by Hurbory and Noy and lengthened it considerably; I also added a little academic analysis (though not comprehensive, obviously–I didn’t want to bore the professor). It was tons of fun to produce and I had fun ‘analyzing’ the ‘inscription’. Here is the “translation” and analysis (lengthened slightly from the original assignment)–it presumes that no New Testament writing survives:
Necropolis near Nazareth: 1st Century CE. Epitaph on tomb; Bilingual (Greek text with Hebrew names). Unknown scribe, commissioned inscription.
Hold! Passers-by! Weep and mourn for the man in this tomb. This is the tomb of the good man Jesus, only son of Joseph, of Nazareth. He was taken down to the underworld in the 19th Year of Caesar Augustus. Look on this tomb, passersby, and beat with your hands thirty times for the thirty year old that has was snatched by Hades. For his mother, Mary, grieves for the loss of her son that pleased her, and had caused pain to none. Grieving also are his companions, with whom he traveled, Peter, Mary, Judas, and John.
For though he spread the news of the Lord, a path of righteousness and salvation, he was harassed by Death and woes! Beset upon by the wicked, he was tempted, yet prevailed only to be met with a senseless end, to be hung on a tree!
[…] three days […] he will be raised […] unto the Lord!
O! All-subdoer, great Hades, why have you forsaken this man to his fate? Hear me, wayfarers! Glory be given to the soul of the body with which they have placed in this tomb. Though he was borne into a humble home, loved by all, and raised by his family to love the Lord, he found strength in the path of righteousness. Majestically he traveled, never set to one place, teaching about the law as though a prophet. To the tomb he went, as a man unmarried and chaste unto the Lord.
Weep for the dead Jesus, taken from his elder years by the wickedness of betrayal. Set to earthly destruction for crimes he did not commit.
Passers-by, speak softly when you go by of this tomb! Do not disturb the stone walls or the sleeping dead within. Rest now, Jesus, child of the Lord, untimely dead. Grieve for those who are left behind. Farewell.
On behalf of Joseph the Arimathean, follower and friend of Jesus, lover of the Lord, who has commissioned this inscription, with those names of the community listed below. Fortunate was the man, Jesus, who had companions such as these, though unfortunate in his demise.
 “19th year of Caesar Augustus”, that likely is the 19th year of his reign, about 33 CE. Information on 1st Century CE Nazareth is limited; not much archaeological evidence for the type of settlement in this period. Likely a small village and scarcely populated.
 “Hades” (άδης); unlikely to have been incorporated at the behest of the commissioner of the inscription (see below), probably added by the scribe in place of Sheol (שְׁאוֹל). If incorporated by the original commission, it may imply that the group that associated with this figure Jesus wereat least slightly Hellenized, and that their sectarian views were developed, in part, through syncretism (see note 3 below).
 Given the rarity with which one includes so many individuals on funerary inscriptions (outside of the family names), it is likely these individuals were part of a sectarian group who held up Jesus as their sect leader.
 Death is here personified, similar to the Testament of Abraham in the Pseudepigrapha.
 “Hung on a tree”, perhaps indicative of Deut. 21.23, “…his body shall not remain all night on the tree, but you shall bury him the same day, for a hanged man is cursed by God.” This probably implies that he died by crucifixion, which might explain why the inscription bares the statement that his demise was ‘unfortunate’.
 This section is very badly damaged. Unsure what the implications are of the phrase ‘he will be raised’ (ἐγερθήσεται). Too many words obscured from the original inscription to make any clear indication of its actual meaning, though perhaps the translation is similar to the Hazon Gabriel, if one were to accept Israel Knohl’s translation: ‘to rise from the dead within three days.’
 “Crimes…” Possibly indicating that he was falsely accused of something that warranted ‘hanging from a tree”, i.e., crucifixion. If this was indeed a sectarian leader, possibly associated with his teachings (maybe radical?) or with something he may have done or said against the Romans who occupied Judaea at this time.
 The list of names has been destroyed by time. Likely Joseph of Arimathea was a follower of Jesus or a member of his sect; he must have been wealthy in order to commission such a large inscription.